"President Bush announced tonight that he believes in
democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq.
They can have a strong economy, they can have a
good health care plan, and they can have free and
fair voting. Iraq? We can't even get this in Florida."
-- Jay Leno

"President Bush has said that he does not need
approval from the UN towage war, and I'm thinking,
well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American
voters to become president, either."
-- David Letterman

"We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The
potential weapon of mass destruction we have been
looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's
just one problem — it's in North Korea."
-- Jon Stewart

"Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war.
Not with Iraq. With France and Germany. How did we
screw that one up?"
-- Jay Leno

"As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants
to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil, it's
about gasoline."
-- Jay Leno

"In California, 50 women protested the impending war
with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling
out the word peace. Right idea, wrong president."
-- Jay Leno

"In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq
gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi
people with food, medicine, supplies, housing,
education — anything that's needed. Isn't that
amazing? He finally comes up with a domestic agenda
— and it's for Iraq. Maybe we could bring that here if
it works out."
-- Jay Leno

"President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like 'the
rerun of a bad movie.' Well sure, there's a Bush in the
White House, the economy's going to hell, we're going
to war over oil. I've seen this movie, haven't I?"
-- Jay Leno

"CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide
Iraq into three parts ... regular, premium and
unleaded."
-- Jay Leno

"Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have
over the weekend. See, President Bush may be the
smartest military president in history. First, he gets
Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons. Then he
declares war."
-- Jay Leno

"The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi
war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't
seem to be popular."
-- Jay Leno

"President Bush spent last night calling world leaders
to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the
most powerful man on earth is yelling, I know you're
there, pick up, pick up."
-- Craig Kilborn

"In an interview with Dan Rather, Saddam has
challenged President Bush to a live, televised debate.
I think this would be fair, since English is a second
language to both of them."
-- Jay Leno

"Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar
cost of a war with Iraq could be better spent at
home. When he heard that, President Bush agreed
and announced plans to bomb Ohio."
-- Jay Leno